she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
