Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
