shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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