peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
