So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
