Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
