you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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