well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
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Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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