it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need to calm my uterus...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
