his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
