Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
