She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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