I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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