Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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