tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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