I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
