3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
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there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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