I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
