It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
