I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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