so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
