My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
