Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
