Moan for me like Helen Keller
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
