sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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