First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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