I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
