He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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