the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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