he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize