just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
