Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That's how pantless uber rides happen