That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
