im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
