How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
