Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
