why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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