i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
