i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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