I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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