I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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