Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
