Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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