If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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