My nipple is on Facebook.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
