How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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