I cannot find my penis.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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