I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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