why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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