got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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