And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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