I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
