Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
