May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
