I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
