Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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