u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
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Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
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You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize