You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
