the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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