He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
