You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
