They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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