I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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