i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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