it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
