What a fucking waste of an outfit
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
