Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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