if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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