So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
