Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
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tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
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What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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