After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
