I could make wine with my vomit
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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