I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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