He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
