Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I party with great urgency now.
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