he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
