The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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