Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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