The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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