ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We are all done wearing pants today
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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