He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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