Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
