My hand turned me down
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
