people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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