The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
