The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
