The maid of honor just puked.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
